


In Our Defense

by Mizuphae



Category: Batman - All Media Types, DCU, Young Justice - All Media Types
Genre: Chaos, Comedy, Fluff, M/M, Multi, Property Damage, Ruining Grocery Stores, basically crack
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-01
Updated: 2021-02-01
Packaged: 2021-03-12 02:07:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,724
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29127696
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mizuphae/pseuds/Mizuphae
Summary: "What happened? One at a time.”Tim pushed himself up to sit on top of the backrest of the chair, tapping his toes against the leather seat. “Uh, we were hungry.”Bruce sighed again. “As always.”Kon laughed and parroted gleefully, “Sure. As always.
Relationships: Bart Allen/Tim Drake/Kon-El | Conner Kent, Tim Drake & Bruce Wayne
Comments: 14
Kudos: 65





	In Our Defense

**Author's Note:**

> Happy (late) holidays, Ajax (chaoticfuckingneutralgod)! I'm your Secret Santa and hope you enjoy your gift! 
> 
> Please enjoy!

Similar to how most of their interrogations after questionable actions usually start—or what they personally like to call ‘highly recommended conversations after fun activities’—their meeting started with a loud sigh from Bruce who asked them to come into his office. His eye bags had eye bags had eye bags, and can be compared to Tim’s own which was honestly quite concerning. 

At the moment, Tim wanted nothing more than to fall asleep in his chair but Bruce kept snapping his fingers in his face to keep him awake so that they can get through this.

“Tim, please. You can sleep after this.” He looked positively miserable. “Bart and Kon, please stop laughing.”

Bart and Kon ignored him and Tim rolled his eyes, slumping in his chair. “But I’m sleepy.”

Bruce sighed again. “Would you rather us do this later?”

Kon and Bart waited as Tim shrugged before moaning, “Fine, fine, fine. We’ll do this now. I’m going to sleep until the end of time and not even Doomsday will be able to wake me up.”

“Mmhmm.” The corner of Bruce’s lips quirked in amusement. “You’d have about the amount of luck as an anime protagonist at accomplishing that.”

“What?” Kon snorted. “Do you… do you watch anime, Batman?”

“Information on modern culture is useful, especially on certain missions,” Bruce replied with a straight face.

“Is that a ye—”

“Continuing with what we are _supposed_ to be talking about,” Bruce steamrolled past that topic, “why did Alfred have to pick you up from the grocery store and pay a large amount of property damage?”

Bart jittered in his seat before Bruce mindlessly pulled a fidget cube out of one of the many drawers in his mahogany wooden desk and slid it over to him. He waited until Bart took it before repeating the question. “Why did Alfred have to pick the three of you up from the grocery store and pay a large sum of money?”

“Well, this idiot dec—”

“No one told me that ice—”

“A nap would be nice right now—”

Bruce put a hand up in the air, gesturing at them to quiet down. “Guys. Come on. What happened? One at a time.”

Tim pushed himself up to sit on top of the backrest of the chair, tapping his toes against the leather seat. “Uh, we were hungry.”

He sighed again. “As always.”

Kon laughed and parroted gleefully, “Sure. As always.”

-

“We ran out of Ritz crackers,” Bart whined into Kon’s chest, curled up in his lap. 

“Oh no,” Tim exclaimed monotone. He didn’t look away from his laptop screen as he replied, studiously typing out a new case report. “How horrible.”

“It _is_ horrible.”

“Seriously,” Kon chuckled. “You already ate the boxes Tim bought last week?”

“Well, he didn’t buy enough. Clearly.”

Kon snorted. “Clearly.”

“Oh, be quiet. It’s not like they have an unlimited supply of Ritz crackers. Plus, I don’t want to be that asshole who takes the entire aisle’s worth.”

“An entire aisle?” Bart repeated incredulously with a shit-eating grin. “There was an _entire aisle_ of Ritz crackers?”

“Shut up,” Tim grumbled, stretching to grab a manilla folder from the coffee table. Kon gently poked his arm with a sock-covered toe that Tim immediately smacked away. “It was a section-thing-whatever. You know what I mean.”

Bart pouted and stared at Tim until he had enough. “What, Bart,” he said, still not looking away from the documents, flipping through them until he found the paper he was looking for. 

“Can we go to the store and get Ritz crackers?”

“How about you and Kon go so that I can finish this and go to sleep? It’s three in the morning.”

“When has ‘three in the morning’ ever stopped us?” Kon air quoted mockingly. “Also, are you sure you want us to go alone? Without you? After what happened last time?”

Tim bit his lip bef—

-

“What?” Bruce interjected. “Last time?” He closed his eyes briefly, probably asking for whatever god is out there to help him. “What happened last time?”

The three of them exchanged looks before Tim cleared his throat. “Anyways.”

Bruce sighed (for the third time, they should keep track) before saying, “Please get to it, I don’t see how all of this is necessary information for me to know.”

“Well, if this is not necessary, I don’t know what you classify as necessary information. This feels pretty necessary to me,” Bart replied, playing with the fidget cube, unconsciously noticing that it was Robin themed.

He exhaled hardly through his nose. “What happened in the grocery store?”

“This time?”

“Yes, this time—when else have you been apprehended by a grocery store clerk for property damage?”

“Well, we—” Kon slapped a hand over Bart’s mouth.

“Ha, ha, ha, just joking,” Kon tried weakly.

Bruce stared at them before Tim cleared his throat. “Anyways.”

-

“Hey, look,” Bart nudged Kon’s shoulder and pointed at the bright orange sign that hung on the wall. “There’s a sale on Kurkures. Score!”

Kon hummed in acknowledgment as he rolled the grocery cart with a notable (and possibly concerning) amount of boxes of Ritz crackers. “So there is.”

Scanning the store and looking for Tim, he saw him sleepily peering at the energy drinks section. He scoffed before returning his attention to Bart who was jumping and reaching for a box of Kurkure bags. 

“Need help?”

“Nah.”

Kon watched as Bart eyed the area, trying to figure out the best way to get to the Kurkures. He cracked his fingers before hopping up and climbing up the ball net— 

-

"Stop, stop, stop," Bruce put his heads in his hands, somehow looking more disappointed than the time Damian brought in a hippopotamus into the manor. Alfred was certainly not pleased. "You're telling me that Kon, a person who could've reached the Kurkures with ease, allowed Bart to climb up the ball net—as in the net container where the stores keep their bouncy balls—to get the bag of chips himself?" 

“Excuse you, they’re not just _chips_ , they’re basically Indian Takis and I would die for them.”

"And hey," Tim cut in. "Bart is a strong independent speedster who needs no man." 

Bart and Kon nodded in unison, looking more serious than they ever have been in their life. Even more serious than the time they had to convince an alien tyrant to play chess with Tim to get their freedom back. "That's right."

“See?” Tim gestured at the duo who sat to the left of him. 

“Just—” Bruce groaned. “Nevermind, please continue.”

“Well, we were _going to_ , until you so _rudely_ interrupted.”

“ _Please._ ”

“ _Fine, fine, fine._ ”

-

Bart reached for the box of Kurkure, grabbing it and holding it above his head victoriously before… swaying and falling into the aisle rack, sending it crashing to the floor

In a domino-effect fashion, the aisle rack sent others to the ground until it knocked down several items. Kon stared in horror before moving to help up Bart who was cackling.

“Dude. You’re a superhero, how did a box of Kurkure bags beat you?”

“Whatever! I wish I got a video out of that!” Bart laughed, using Kon’s hand to pull himself up.

“It would’ve been really cool—”

“Excuse me,” a woman with pursed lips interrupted, crossing her arms. “You boys will need to pay for all of the things you have broken.”

She stepped over the rubbage with a dead-inside expression. “I’m the manager of this store.”

“Oh, uh.” Kon looked over to see Tim standing a couple of aisles away from the destruction Bart had caused, looking utterly done with his life. So like usual.

“Tim!” Bart waved at him who then put down his grocery basket filled with energy drinks to facepalm at him before picking it back up. 

“Will he be taking care of this financially?” The lady raised an eyebrow as he reluctantly walked towards them.

“I guess,” Tim muttered, not looking exactly excited. “I didn’t bring much money on me though.”

“Wait, seriously?” Bart’s eyes widened.

“I brought a hundred bucks, but I’m planning on buying all of these energy drinks,” he shrugged his shoulders to draw attention to the grocery basket in his arms. “I didn’t think I would have to pay for more than a bunch of Ritz crackers.”

“That was some pretty poor planning,” Kon commented.

“Quiet, farmboy.”

“Oh, wow,” Kon said sarcastically. “Good one—”

“I’ll need you to contact someone, preferably your legal guardian, to come and pay for the damaged items. You can’t leave until someone does.” She gave them a steely look before gesturing them to follow her.

-

“And then Alfred came and paid for the stuff,” Tim finished, moving to crack open an energy drink.

“Tim, I thought you were going to sleep after this.” Bruce glared at the can in his hands. 

“This is taking so long,” he groaned and the other two nodded in agreement.

Bruce breathed out a long-suffering sigh before shaking his head. “Alright. I know what I need to know. Kon and Bart.”

Bart cocked his head as Kon replied, “Yeah?”

“Please go home. Safely. Preferably without causing more chaos.”

“Less than likely,” Bart chirped as they stood up.

They both pressed a kiss on Tim’s cheek before saluting them and heading for the door. Tim’s face flushed red as they waved at Bruce. “See you!”

“Alright then,” Bruce muttered to himself after the door closed, reaching for his reading glasses on the corner of his desk, grabbing a stack of paperwork that he was supposed to complete last week. “Are you going to stay here or are you going to go to bed now? It’s eight in the morning, now.”

Tim hummed, flipping onto the office sofa. “Stay here, I guess. I’ll take a nap.”

Bruce nodded and pulled out a highlighter, scanning paragraphs. They relaxed in comfortable silence, enjoying each other’s company.

"You know…” Tim broke the silence. “You're kinda old." 

Bruce let out a deep breath before looking away from his paperwork and steeling his gaze on Tim who for some ungodly reason was now perched on top of his office's bookcase. "Compared to you? Yeah, I suppose." 

"Ha. Boomer."

It took all Bruce's might to contain his laughter and shake his head in disapproval instead, clicking his pen. "You’re grounded."

"Wha—"

"So grounded."

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! Comments and kudos are greatly appreciated and bring me lots of joy! Have an awesome day/night y'all!


End file.
